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Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University

 

Sunday, December 28, 2003

I am the most ungrateful, hateful, evil person ever, but I can't help it. (Although a few glasses of wine helps me a little) I cannot take my family any longer, and it has only been a few days. Friday I left Columbus with my sister to drive to Wichita. That was a very long 13 hour drive. We made it in 13 hours partially because I allowed her to drive for a few hours and the girl has no sense. I do not believe a honda civic is meant to go 90 mph. That's all I have to say. Just that part of the trip was trying. She and I have virtually nothing in common. She is 5 years younger and barely a functional person. She is actually doing really well right now - had held a job for a year and a half, is going to go back to school supposedly next fall - but she is still so different from me that it is hard for us to relate. Anyway, the trip just felt really, really long. And then we got here. I did not drive all this way to sit in a hotel room. We used to stay with my stepmom's parents, but now that her mother has died, and her father lives in a retirement home, we stay in a hotel. That's fine, but it means the downtime is excruciatingly boring, and no different from sitting at home in Columbus, except that I am forced to be in close proximity to my sister. Overall, it has been good, mostly because it is nice to see the family that live out here, but I can't believe I have to wait another day and a half to leave. It feels like an eternity.

What has gotten to me the most is how my sister reacts when people ask me about law school. She works at a preschool for special needs children, and really enjoys what she does. Everyone in the family asks her about it, and is very proud that she is sticking with anything. No one puts down what she is doing in any way at all. However, the second they ask me how law school is and I say that it's fine, she jumps in, and says, "But I help people!" She has said this numerous times since we've been here, and it makes me want to slap her or something. It is very clear when she says it that she is just insecure, but I wish she would just shut up. No one is trying to say that what I am doing is any better than what she is doing; they are just being polite and they are curious. Plus it makes me mad because I actually still believe I have the ability to help people, possibly even in a profound way. I believe that the job I am going to start in January is something that really matters and can change people's lives. Also, I haven't been here in 8 years, and she has been here much more recently, so it is not unreasonable for family members to want to talk to me and catch up, but she cannot just let us have a conversation. I wish I had been an only child!

Anyway, I know I should be grateful for my family, but it is hard. I've always kind of felt like I was alone in the world, even when I was young, and that I had to create my own family. That's probably part of why I was always so eager to be in a serious relationship.

Well, I will stop complaining now. I think I'm going to go to bed and fantasize (in a totally PG way) about the guy I can't have. That should make me feel better. |
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