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Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University

 

Saturday, May 22, 2004

I was doing some thinking about love today. This was mostly because I watched Message in a Bottle and Kate and Leopold. Yes, I had a very relaxing Saturday. But anyway, I've been thinking about love a lot lately. A couple weeks ago one of my best friends asked me why I wasn't dating. She said her dad had even asked her about it. I guess it does seem a little weird to people who know me well, since I'm one of those people who is never single. I always had a boyfriend for 10 years. Generally had a back-up too. I remember telling one boyfriend that even though I didn't want things to end with him, I wasn't that scared because I knew someone else would "just appear." Well, I got to the point finally where I don't want anyone else to appear. I came to the conclusion that I am just not cut out for dating, and certainly not for being in love. I told my friend this when she asked and she seemed to think it was an incredibly depressing answer. It is to an extent, but the feeling of just not caring has also been incredibly freeing. There is no more stress, no more tears, no more demands, just me, doing whatever I want.

But watching these movies, I longed for the feeling of love. There were a couple of moments in each where the woman looked like she felt so safe in the man's arms. There is nothing that compares to that feeling of being held and feeling like the two of you make up the entire universe. And there were moments in each that showed the characters longing for each other when they were apart. As painful as that can be, it also reminds you that you are alive. Loving someone is being alive.

I still stand by my belief that I have no place dating. I know that I don't have the strength to love. And that attitude has certainly had a positive impact on my studying. But, when school is over, and I have had another year of solitude, I hope that I am ready to be open to love again, and that I am still able to remember what it is like to be alive. |
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