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Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University

 

Saturday, November 27, 2004

I am about to go spend the whole day doing school work and drinking coffee. Why? One, because I need to and I'm responsible like that. Two, because something weird is going on with Dylan and it is getting to me and I need to distract myself and I should have known better than to start liking him. Depending on what it is, it may be time for me to go back to the no-dating policy. And if it is nothing, I should still consider going back. My remarkable focus on school has definitely been lost in the last two months, and it might be time to refocus.

Last night I watched When A Man Loves A Woman on tv and ended up sobbing. It's important to know that the first time I saw it (in high school, in a theater), I also ended up sobbing. It remains the only movie that has ever made me actually cry. Back then I started crying when Meg Ryan hit her daughter and I never stopped, mostly because it was so terrifying to me that someone who seemed so nice could be destroyed by alcohol like that. Afterwards, still hysterically crying in the parking lot at Eastland, I swore to my boyfriend that I would never drink. Last night I didn't start crying until Andy Garcia said goodbye to the older daughter. I don't ever want to say goodbye to someone I love again. That is why I don't want to date. I have said goodbye as many time as I can handle. Being in less than stable long distance relationships only has made that worse because there were so many goodbyes where we weren't breaking up, but I also couldn't be sure if or when I would see him again. So, if Dylan has freaked out on me, fine. If I don't date for real again, fine. It is sad, I know. It is disappointing to me. It is less fun. But I don't have it in me to say goodbye to someone I love again.

And I will always have school or work. |
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