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Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University

 

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Third date in six days, and he is definitely growing on me. There is something innocent and a little awkward about being with him that reminds me of high school, but it's cute. I wonder when he'll call today. I am amused and pleased by the fact that he ends the night with, "I'll call you tomorrow." I feel like I can't call him though, because he seems really uncomfortable on the phone and always calls me with a very clear purpose which he achieves in under a minute. Oh well, at least his purpose is usually to figure out when we are going to see each other in person again. |
 

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Apparently I'm hanging out with him and all of his friends tomorrow. And he has already mentioned seeing me next weekend too. Am I going to end up his girlfriend without even knowing it? I always complain about not having someone to do things with, so this could be a convenient situation if it continues to proceed like this. How is it that less than a week ago I assumed I wouldn't hear from him again or call him myself, and now I'm worried about "where this is headed"? We had a really good time Friday night, so as long as it doesn't end up serious, I am all for continuing to see him. While I keep my eyes open for someone my age who eats meat.

I just realized how mean that paragraph sounds. I guess it's kind of accurate as to my state of mind, but he does seem really sweet, so I'm going to try to have an open mind and just see what happens. Maybe he has more to offer than I'm giving him credit for. And all the little flaws I can find are a whole lot better than being manipulative or controlling or unfaithful or lots of other things that people can be. I will have an open mind. I will. |
 

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I am so predictable. A little kissing and suddenly I think I like him. We'll see how long that lasts. Objectively, I am still not really interested. But for 5 hours tonight I smiled and enjoyed myself, so there's no reason to go messing that up sooner than necessary. |
 

Thursday, May 26, 2005

He called me and wants to go out again. Guys are so confusing. Of course, now I want to go out with him again, just to see if he kisses me. But he's still a vegan who lives with his parents. A cute one, however. |
 
I've deleted my links to blogs that appear to be dead. A few others are heading that direction, it appears, but I haven't given up yet. I would greatly appreciate new links to other blogs that I might enjoy. Please? |
 
In the comments, someone asked if being a vegan was a big deal. For a girl who when someone says, "What kind of food do you like?" answers, "meat," yeah, it’s a fairly big deal. During the movie, I kept thinking about what we could eat together and if he would not only have a problem with me eating rare hamburgers, but even with me putting milk in my coffee. I have vegetarian friends, and except when we go out to eat together, it’s obviously not an issue. But, it seems like all the vegetarians I know always want to go to Indian or Ethiopian restaurants, or other places where it is very common to share the food. The problem is that then everything has to be vegetarian, or else it is inequitable that I will eat their food but they won’t eat mine. And their food always seems to be eggplant. I hate eggplant. I like lots of vegetables and non-meat foods, but I hate eggplant and nearly all vegetarians think it is the greatest thing ever. So when we go out I’m stuck eating eggplant and spinach and tofu or else looking like a jerk ordering alone. I imagine the problem would be far more pronounced in a relationship where you eventually are eating together every night and cooking for each other. In my past relationships I have loved cooking dinner every night: pork chops, chicken cutlets, flank steak, grilled fish – the base of every meal I’ve ever made has been meat – I even prefer my spaghetti sauce to be more meaty than saucy. Cooking and eating together has always been a really important part of a relationship for me. It is sensual; it is stable; it is experimental; it is togetherness for me. I would have to really love someone to learn to tolerate meatless meals, especially since he wouldn’t be learning to tolerate eating meat, just tolerate me eating me. But even if I could handle that, there is a huge difference between vegetarian and vegan. I know who I am, and a vegan I am not.

Honestly, if everything else had been good, I would have tried to reserve judgment, and right now I would be telling myself and everyone else that it wasn’t that big of a deal. I would be wrong, but I would try to believe it. However, the date was less than stellar overall. At least he was cute… Really cute, actually. He got to my house early and talked incessantly, about law school, almost to the point of making us late to the movie. During the movie, his phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing – fortunately on vibrate – so he just kept checking it to see who was calling. You’re not on call or anything, ignore the phone! Afterwards he drove me home and that was the end of the date. No kiss. Although he did say he had a good time and we should go out again. But that is the polite thing to say either way. It is entirely possible that he wanted me to suggest getting a drink or invite him or something, but I have a problem where I just can’t bring myself to help guys out. I figure if they’re interested, they’ll take the initiative.

And back to the kissing… My advice to all guys, which surprisingly few seem to know, is ALWAYS kiss the girl. Don’t necessarily try to make out with her or get her to sleep with you, but, please, kiss her. Every single girl I know thinks the guy isn’t interested if he doesn’t kiss her. But from the guys I’ve talked to, it is quite often not connected. They kiss girls they aren’t interested in, don’t kiss girls they are, as well as the other way around. They even sometimes think a girl likes a guy who doesn’t try to kiss on the first date. Maybe in theory, but it always makes the girl think you aren’t interested.

And he lives with his parents. |
 

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

He is a vegan. That was the highlight. Still, there is probably a 25% chance that we will go out again. A vegan. |
 
Today is the date. Assuming he calls. I always prepare myself for the guy to simply not call. Whenever someone says, "I'll call you to work out the details," I figure he is leaving himself a way out. Because that's what I would be doing. It's a way to seem nice in the moment, but not have to follow through. I suppose it is also just a way to work out the details later. If I really wanted to go out with someone, I would make concrete plans, but I guess the vast majority of guys hate planning what they're doing that evening, so maybe I'm expecting too much. I have only had one guy cancel on me in such a situation, and that turned out to be a misunderstanding, and no one has ever just not called, so I don't know why I think this way. Really, my main concern is his height. When I met him, we were never both standing at the same time, so I have no idea how tall he is. I think I would have noticed if he was remarkably short or tall, but it's that middle area that worries me. I was wearing really high heels, so he could think I'm shorter than I am, if that makes sense. Or not care. Or care a lot and walk out on me if he realizes I'm taller than he is. Or he could be taller than me, and it could all be fine. Or I could start worrying about something more worthwhile. Like if he's even going to call. |
 

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I have a date. How weird. See what a little self pity gets you... |
 
I was reading Obsessive Law Student's post about "doing it on my own," and I started thinking about "being single through law school," or at least through 2/3 of it. I think doing it on my own has been the saddest experience ever. (I think it definitely helped my grades though). I remember thinking when I moved to Seattle after graduation from college that it would be this great experience because I would be completely on my own for the first time, and in particular I would have the chance to prove to myself that I could survive without my boyfriend from whom I had been inseparable for the previous three years. Well, of course I survived, because there really is no alternative. I did great things, had awesome experiences, met new people, and learned a lot about myself. And it sucked. I realized that, for me at least, the best experiences in life are meant to be shared, and it almost hurts to do exciting new things when I can't share them with someone I love.

The highlights and lowlights of law school were something that I truly wish I could have shared with someone I loved. I wanted someone to celebrate with when I got on to the law journals. I wanted someone with whom I could discuss which job opportunities to pursue. I wanted someone to comfort me when I screwed up tryouts for the trial team. I wanted someone to pick me up at school and take me out for a beer after my exams and distract me by telling me about his day. At hooding, I wanted someone looking at me walk across the stage with pride, with love, and with hope for what the future might hold. And through the entire experience, I wish there had been someone who I could have been there for in his life. I wish I could have been putting someone else first while he did the same for me.

I had some wonderful friends through this experience, including one in particular who always let me vent and completely understands how I feel about all of this. (Thank you!!) But the role friends fill is very different, although indispensible. And I have had plenty of male diversions over the past couple years, but that is also very different. I don't mean to sound like I think I am the only person who feels this way. Everyone is looking for love, obviously. For me, I have always believed that nothing in life is of value if it is not shared with someone else. Maybe that sounds weak or dependent or something, but I have managed to accomplish things on my own and survive on my own, so it's not about self doubt or insecurity really. I just feel like the only way to be myself and to experience life fully is through loving someone else. And it makes me sad that I was unable to share an experience as awesome as law school with someone else.

[Apologies to OLS; I cannot link since I got my Mac] |
 

Saturday, May 21, 2005

I want to apologize for not responding to the person who emailed me a couple weeks ago about OSU. If you write me again, I'll respond, but it was the middle of exams and it just didn't happen. Sorry. |
 

Friday, May 20, 2005

I just got my highest grade ever. And I totally didn't deserve it which means the rest of the class must have done horribly. But I am completely grateful, although a little in shock still. Too bad it wasn't worth more credits. I am totally in shock. Am I wrong in thinking that grades get progressively better as you progress through law school? I would be tempted to think that I am getting the hang of it or taking the right classes or something, but I think it is more likely that somehow our grades are inflated our second and third years. If I could erase the first year, I would be at the top of our class. If. But I'm glad about how things turned out because better grades would have probably led to me ending up at a firm that I would have knowing go into it wasn't for me. But as it is, I am completely happy with the job I have, how law school concluded grades wise, and in every other way. I am so happy and grateful for where I am today. I wouldn't change anything related to law school or my job. I would change a lot of other things in my life, but law school has definitely been a positive experience for me and I feel like throughout the experience I have gotten everything out of it that I could. |
 
If either of my fantasy baseball teams was real, we would have to go out of business because I couldn't field a team. I do not know how it's possible to have so many injured players at once. On one team I have Thome and Sosa both on the DL, and I finally replaced Ordonez after somehow missing that he was really disabled. Both Sosa and Thome are expected back next week, or so they say. So they always say. On the other team, I have Pineiro who is not even active, but expected back next week, with even some optimism. Then I have Lyon who comes off the DL 5/28 in theory, Woody Williams who will be out until at least June 1, and Mota who is expected back early next week. What should I do? I have such a hard time dropping players for ones who are clearly weaker overall, but at least playing. On the team where all my pitchers are hurt, I can keep them all on the DL, but on the other team, I only have one DL spot. So frustrating. I'm still in 2nd place on the hurt pitcher team though. |
 

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Does anybody local have tonight's CSI on tape? I opted to watch the OC season finale. Let me know. I would be forever in your debt. |
 

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

I am attempting to consolidate my loans, since apparently that is the smart thing to do. After doing a fair amount of research, I decided to go with a private lender rather than the Dept of Ed, because there appear to be more incentives that way. I had already applied for a bar loan through one of the prominent lenders, so I figured it would be simplest to just go through them again. Simple maybe, but not pleasant. Trying to fill out the online application, I was somewhat confused, so I called them to ask questions, and hopefully apply by phone. I should have known it wasn't going to go well when the first prompt was, "If you do NOT have an account number, please press one," I pressed one, and then a voice said, "Thank you for calling, what is your account number?" And when I said I didn't have one (shocking!), they were confused and annoyed. I say they, because after the first less than satisfactory experience, I wrote it off to a bad employee and called back, but apparently that is how they are trained. And actually apply by phone? They didn't even grasp the concept. They also seemed almost angry that I was asking any questions at all. And these were easy questions about logistical things. Like what the current interest rate is for federal loans. The guy finally told me, but I had to pry it out of him. At the end of this, I am less than confident to consolidate through them, but the other place never even let me get past hold. So hopefully I filled out the application satisfactorily and this will all go smoothly. Right. |
 

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Yesterday was a great day. The ceremonies were long and kind of boring, but still wonderfully exciting. I think most of us were feeling a sort of exhuberant relief all day, more than anything else. My parents had a party last night, and the best part was that two relatives drove in from the east coast as a surprise. I also got the requisite presents, hugs, and congratulations. I went out after the party and had a very fun night although I exhausted now and can barely walk because of the heels I was wearing yesterday. It did strike me that there are a lot of people I never got to say goodbye to who I will probably never see again. It's not especially sad, because if they were real friends I would actually see them again, but still. I can hardly believe it's all over. I feel like I have to wake up Monday and do law school stuff. I feel compelled to go to the coffee shop, but I don't have any reason to. I did get several law related books as presents, so I guess I could read those until bar review starts. I think I will really celebrate whenever my brain processes that I really am done. Maybe that will be after the bar. |
 

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My firm is having a murder mystery party in 3 weeks and we got our character assignments today. I feel as though I need to know a little more than my character's name in order to find a costume. Maybe that's just me. It sounds like it is going to be a lot of fun, although it is always a little embarrassing to see people you work with get as drunk as I'm sure some of them will have to in order to enjoy this. Also, I'm curious how careful they are going to be to prevent the underage people from drinking. |
 

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!! I can't stop grinning. I have no idea what I feel or what to do with myself right now. All I know is I am DONE! There is no way I can be productive right now (Dear Bosses: Memo will have to wait...). I am done with school forever! DONE! |
 

Monday, May 09, 2005

I have decided I have had enough. I don't really feel like taking my white collar crime exam tomorrow. I would have enough credits without that class. Hmmm...

I had a golf lesson today and it didn't especially well. It wasn't bad for my third lesson, but it is just so hard to think about so many things at once. I want to go back to only using the 5-iron. |
 

Sunday, May 08, 2005

My bar review materials arrived on Friday. I finally opened the box this morning. But I only read the cover letter and then closed the box again. The outside world is not going along with my determination not to think about the bar until at least after hooding. Everyone I know wants to talk about the bar exam. Stop it! There will be a time for that, but not yet! Let me get through exams in peace. Let me enjoy graduation. Then I will be all bar, all the time for a couple months, I promise. |
 

Saturday, May 07, 2005

My crim pro exam was insane. The multiple choice was fine, although there was this case analogy question that I totally didn't get. It gave me flashbacks to the GRE (and there is a reason I decided to go to law school...). But the essay part - I maybe wrote 25% of what I knew, which was probably only 75% of what I needed to know in the first place. I could have written for easily another couple hours to answer the question fully. At least it was entirely fair. I like professors who don't try to trick you and who just really want to test whether you learned the objects of the class. Dressler's teaching and testing styles are both very straightforward, and it makes you come out feeling like you've learned a lot. But maybe because of that, the only way for him to differentiate among students is to make the exam a race. Oh well, it's over. Now I just have to worry about white collar crime - where it is the complete opposite, and I have no idea what we were even supposed to learn. |
 

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Why am I working during exams? I forget. I just got an assignment that is due next Tuesday, but today is the only day I am working before then - and the only day I can work because of my two exams. Guess I better get on that. |
 

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

SMOKE FREE COLUMBUS!!!!! YAY!!!! Issue 2 failed, and I couldn't be happier. The smoking ban will continue, and those bars that also serve food will not be the only ones that are smoke free. I am so happy. The last few months have been the best months I have ever had going out. All of my smoking friends (everyone but me) still go out just as much as usual; the only difference is they smoke somewhat less, and they do it outdoors. That results in me going home able to breathe and not stinking. My friends who are waitresses (smokers, all of them) all wanted issue 2 to fail too, so I'm happy for them. YAY!!! Smoke free Columbus! I understand smokers complaining, although I have no sympathy, but the bars are going to be just fine. YAY! I feel so much more free to go out because of the smoking ban because I don't always have to weigh how sick the smoke will make me feel. I rarely am pleased with election results, but for once the people of Columbus are consistently standing up for something I feel very, very strongly about - my right to breathe clean air, and the right of those around me to do so - without stopping anyone from smoking, just limiting where they can do it. YAY! |
 

Monday, May 02, 2005

I think it is hilarious that my posts about golf get so many comments. I have another lesson this afternoon, so maybe there will be some more scintillating golf posts later. For now, it is time to start studying for crim pro. I am pretty well prepared, but I don't think it is ever possible to be prepared enough for Dressler. He expects so much, and I don't want to let him down. That's one of the downsides of taking a class from a professor you know well. I'm not very stressed about exams though because there is always that thought in the back of my mind that it just doesn't matter. Pretty much no grade I get will really affect my average, whether I want it to or not. I know I'm not going to actually fail a class. I have a job. There is definitely no reason to let exams stress me out, just the natural desire to do well. Plus, studying for and taking the bar will surely be stressful enough that I should avoid any other stress that I can. |