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Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University

 

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I was reading Obsessive Law Student's post about "doing it on my own," and I started thinking about "being single through law school," or at least through 2/3 of it. I think doing it on my own has been the saddest experience ever. (I think it definitely helped my grades though). I remember thinking when I moved to Seattle after graduation from college that it would be this great experience because I would be completely on my own for the first time, and in particular I would have the chance to prove to myself that I could survive without my boyfriend from whom I had been inseparable for the previous three years. Well, of course I survived, because there really is no alternative. I did great things, had awesome experiences, met new people, and learned a lot about myself. And it sucked. I realized that, for me at least, the best experiences in life are meant to be shared, and it almost hurts to do exciting new things when I can't share them with someone I love.

The highlights and lowlights of law school were something that I truly wish I could have shared with someone I loved. I wanted someone to celebrate with when I got on to the law journals. I wanted someone with whom I could discuss which job opportunities to pursue. I wanted someone to comfort me when I screwed up tryouts for the trial team. I wanted someone to pick me up at school and take me out for a beer after my exams and distract me by telling me about his day. At hooding, I wanted someone looking at me walk across the stage with pride, with love, and with hope for what the future might hold. And through the entire experience, I wish there had been someone who I could have been there for in his life. I wish I could have been putting someone else first while he did the same for me.

I had some wonderful friends through this experience, including one in particular who always let me vent and completely understands how I feel about all of this. (Thank you!!) But the role friends fill is very different, although indispensible. And I have had plenty of male diversions over the past couple years, but that is also very different. I don't mean to sound like I think I am the only person who feels this way. Everyone is looking for love, obviously. For me, I have always believed that nothing in life is of value if it is not shared with someone else. Maybe that sounds weak or dependent or something, but I have managed to accomplish things on my own and survive on my own, so it's not about self doubt or insecurity really. I just feel like the only way to be myself and to experience life fully is through loving someone else. And it makes me sad that I was unable to share an experience as awesome as law school with someone else.

[Apologies to OLS; I cannot link since I got my Mac] |
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