Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I am taking the night off from bar review. I feel incredibly guilty, but I am absolutely exhausted and I know I won't be able to pay attention to corporations anyway. I'll watch it tomorrow and it will be fine, but right now I feel like I'm about to get in trouble or something. Considering I have the lectures on DVD, I'm kind of impressed that I haven't taken a night off before now. This weekend will be the beginning of intense study mode, so this is my last chance to let my need for sleep win out. I am oddly excited by entering the final stretch. I am really anticipating the feeling of being done. There was no sense of that when school ended because bar review was looming, but one month from now all the studying will be done, the bar exam will be done and I will finally be relaxing (while trying not to think about the three months before results come out). The fact that the end is in sight makes this whole horrible rite of passage a little more tolerable. |

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The boy and I talked briefly last night. (It's still over). It was weird. There were moments when it felt like nothing changed. And there were moments when it felt like I was talking to someone I didn't even know. And there were moments that were just very sad. I hope he knows that I did like him, probably as much as I could have in such a short time. And I hope he knows that I don't hate him. Just because I couldn't tolerate his behavior doesn't mean I think he's a bad person.

Now I need to focus solely on the task before me. Learning all this so called law in the next month. I'm doing a pretty good job of doing everything I'm supposed to. The one thing I am having trouble forcing myself to do is practice MPTs. I don't doubt the value but they just feel so tedious. Anyway, I hope everyone else is surviving. |

Monday, June 27, 2005

Sorry for the lack of posts - bar-studying, boy-dating, prosecuting minor misdemeanors, and things like that have been keeping me very busy. Just in time for serious studying, I broke up with the boy. Things were actually going great. He was being really sweet. Reading me remarkably good poetry. We were having lots of fun together and I was feeling more and more comfortable with him. But if nothing else, I have fortunately learned what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and there was an incident I just couldn't overlook. In his mind, at least by way of justification, I was overreacting and being too harsh to break up with him over one event. But I know that no event is isolated, and in the past I've always wished, often years later, that I had gotten out the first time I realized that there was something really wrong instead of overlooking it, trying to fix it, making excuses for it, and generally ignoring what I knew to be right. It makes me feel good that I've actually learned something, but still, my natural inclination was still to apologize as soon as he started to get upset. But I knew myself that well, so I was sure to tell my friends beforehand that I planned to break up with him so I couldn't back out of it. Otherwise I would have. Anyway, it's over, I kind of miss him, I'm actually quite sad because I would have liked to meet someone who gave me a little faith in men, and overall I still feel pretty numb but I did enjoy having a diversion. I guess I should have stuck with golf. Speaking of which, I have a puttting lesson to get to. |

Saturday, June 18, 2005

At least when he's drunk, he clearly thinks this is serious. I'm really not sure what to do about that. Right now, my approach is to do nothing and enjoy myself. But a part of me is saying that I'm doing something wrong. I like him. I really do. But I don't foresee the kind of things he does, or even any real possibility of those things. Maybe liking him is going to turn into more and I should just relax, but I don't want to use him or hurt him. He is just so sweet and deserves better than that. |

Thursday, June 16, 2005

My patience is wearing thin with going to bar review classes. The first few subjects were painful to sit through, but at least felt somewhat useful. The lecturers told us what issues were more likely to be tested, how to approach them, and what tests to use for different questions of law. The last few lecturers have basically read the outline aloud though. Guess what? After three years of law school I can read. It is so hard to make myself go to class when I am always thinking that I have the same lecturer on DVD. The hardest thing is making myself stay at class when I realize how pointless it is as my eyes start to close around 9pm. I'm glad I decided to go to night classes, but staying awake can be a challenge. I know so many people who have given up on going to class, and I'm not sure why I'm being so stubborn about going. It's hard for me not to do what I'm "supposed" to, and in this case I suppose it's a good thing no matter how much I hate class. At least I am taking class with people I don't know, so the social part of it is just relaxed and friendly, rather than having all the all of the layers of animosity and false friendship that exist with the people who have been together for the last three years. Well, enough complaining - time to get back to studying. |

Friday, June 10, 2005

Today we "learned" essay and MBE technique and then did two practice essays. There was something about doing the essays that made it all feel so much more real. The first question I totally fabricated constitutional law. I thought it might have something to do with the commerce clause, but that was the best I could manage. I would have been fine on suspect classes or separation of powers, not to mention 1st Amendment rights - but the commerce clause?? It sucked, but that's okay. The second question was torts and I think I did fine. We'll see when I get them back next week, but it didn't cause me any additional stress. Especially because at this point I have not actively studied any of the substantive law I have been learning, I'm not going to freak out about not knowing the intricacies (or basics) of the commerce clause. Just for an example, we did four MBE questions and I got all of them right. That didn't make me feel better; it just would have made me feel stupid if I didn't because they were all about conspiracy and having just had white collar crime that's one thing I ought to know. I'm totally dreading the time when I have to really face all the law that I really don't know. So far we've done torts, con law, and evidence, and next up is criminal law and criminal procedure, so we are still within my comfort zone. Maybe commercial transactions will never come...

On a completely unrelated note, tomorrow I start my golf league. It's a beginnner 9-hole league, but I am totally scared. I don't want to look like a bigger idiot than everyone else or hold everyone up or miss the ball and have people laugh at me. I'm sure it will not only be fine, but be fun, but I always get anxious when I'm going to meet new people.

The boy is on his way over shortly and I am remarkably excited to see him. But I didn't say that. |

Thursday, June 09, 2005

After we both had a couple drinks and we were safely in my room in the dark, I finally got up the courage to talk to him. I'm such a girl. Everything's cool. I'm even officially his girlfriend at the end of it. But he knows how scary that is to me and I don't feel like I'm pretending to be perfect. It feels pretty good. Now I just have to be careful not to let it interfere with studying. |

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Turns out I was absolutely right that he thinks I'm his girlfriend. I know because he told me. I just kind of laughed which was probably an inappropriate reaction. I then freaked out in my own way, but I'm feeling better about it now. Aside from my feeling of panic, I actually had a really good time that night and it was remarkably comfortable having him spend the night for the first time. I think when I see him again I might attempt to be somewhat honest and let him know that I'm not entirely ready to be someone's girlfriend, but that I'm interested in dating him and seeing what happens. I'm pretty sure I can communicate it in a way that doesn't seem negative. It's time for him to learn that one aspect of dating someone older is it means they are more scarred. Maybe I can do this, but only if I am myself. |

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I am on my way to my very first day of bar review. I spent all afternoon studying torts. It is going to be a long summer. |