Randomness from a 2005 graduate of The Moritz College of Law at The Ohio State University


Sunday, October 23, 2005

I'm not doing so well waiting for bar results. I was generally pretty calm before exams in law school. Except for that time that Starbucks was closed and I couldn't get my mocha. I think I handled the stress of preparing for the bar exam pretty well. I didn't obsess about how many MBE practice questions someone else told me they had done; I just focused on doing what I knew I had to do. I didn't leave the exam second guessing myself and I definitely did not go home and look up the issues I had questions about. But three months of anticipating results is apparently more than I can handle. I can no longer sleep or focus on work or listen to what other people are saying when I'm having a conversation. All I can do is imagine the moment of checking results. My visualization is so real that I forget I'm not actually in the moment. Then I imagine how to tell people if I fail. I think about who to email (work, friends I don't talk to that often). I think about who to text message (good friends who I have to tell but can't bear to speak to). I think about who to never speak to again (family, people from law school, anyone else who falls on the list of people who will think I am worthless if I fail). I think about how early to start drinking. I think about whether there is anyone I would actually be willing to see. I think about how much my firm would be screwed over by me failing. I think about whether or not they would fire me assuming I ever left my house again anyway. This is not healthy.

I also think about what I will do if I pass. I start to imagine who I will call first. I debate if I can get away with taking champagne to the office. I think about where I will go out to celebrate. I wonder who I will celebrate with. I make plans to finally decorate my office on Saturday. And then I start thinking about failing again.

I'm guessing I'm not the only one freaking out, but I hope others are feeling more peaceful I am. Good luck to all. |
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